In light of the Coronavirus outbreak, the WOHS Pioneer Staff is proud to announce our new Obituaries section.

Even as the national infection rate rises, there’s no reason our readership shouldn’t rise alongside it! As a team building exercise, each member of the Pioneer Staff has written articles for one other member in advance if one unlucky staff member becomes part of that unlucky 0.2%.

All ten Pioneer’s Staff members have contracted the virus and three members, who wished to remain anonymous, are refusing to self-quarantine or practice adequate social distancing.

As one of said staffers explained over email, “This’ll probably work out in the end.”